Life is a journey.

Life is a journey. Each step, each day, each time you cry & laugh is all apart of thee beauty of life. Each valley and each peak is designed to create a better you. I find myself so caught up in accomplishments that I forget to appreciate each day as apart of the journey. I get so caught up in the hecticness. I am taking time to appreciate every moment, every picture, and every person. There is beauty in life everywhere and in everything. There is everlasting life.

Your Parents are Your Teachers

"He who finds a good thing, finds a wife..." I listen to countless stories of those who are married and have married.  Happily Married, Unhappily Married, or Happily Divorced.. pick your choice..pick your sin..pick your reason for marrying. My parents never married each other. My father never married my mother. After creating life twice, two children...his first daughter and his first son (who carries his whole name) that wasn't enough for my father to marry her. Instead my father chose to play the game.

My mother
Like the strong woman, my grandmother raised my mother to be...my mother "moved on" and created a life for her children that she always wanted and never had. She eventually got married to a man who now she is unhappily married to.

My father
Like the independant man and thinker his father taught him to be, chose to marry another woman...who sought after him (and who I'm sure my father entertained) during my mother's pregnancy with my brother. My father married and had my little sister and youngest brother with this woman, which whom he is now divorced from. She sent him divorce papers.

I give you some history of my parents because they are my first teachers. By loving me, they taught me how to love others. And who taught them to love as children, their parents. I am blessed to still have all four of my grandparents still alive and who are very proud of me. Their marital status are divorced, remarried, widowed, and single. All four of them embody so much wisdom, but happily married forever is in neither of their fortés.

If God created woman for man, why are relationships so hard? Why aren't marriages forever?

Seven Days & a Wife

Good Morning!

I never made it to the stores but I did make it to the nail salon and to the gym. I also began some research at home, my deadline situation is a mess but I'm going to shake it off and get better at it.
When I sit back and think about my choices. I have to swallow the fact that I may actually be walking away from 2 people. It's a hard pill to swallow, not necessarily a reason for me to stay but a harsh reality. I have tons of memories on social media, my computer, and even my phone. I could erase them with a click of a button, but the memories live in my heart, in my brain, and in my soul.

Last night, before I lay down... I came across a picture and I couldn't help but to share it with him. Last night, I had a moment (well I've had several moments over the last seven days), yet one that I felt the need for a hug & a kiss on the forehead saying "Baby, everything will be okay!" Is this situation fixable? Is it what my mind & my heart really desire? It's so much at stake, I'm not all that sure that I have time to consider & not to consider, especially with how his priorities are ordered. I wish I didn't involve any one until I was quite sure. I reflect on the good times and how he made me feel, how taking care of her made me feel. Then I can think about the "not so good" times and how those moments made me feel. Hmm strong right? Even down to the idea that I thought a baby would fix it.

The unthinkable right? Love is kind. Love is patient. Love has ups and downs. He made a good point when he said, right now, all I can view is the negative, that's all I see. Pictures, videos, and memories take me back that airy, heavenly-like love, that saw no errors, flaws, or mistakes. At one point I craved him like an addiction, trying to savor every second, minute, and hour of time with him. Yet, 7 days later... there is some peace and relief yet still a void. A void that I feel may never be filled. A connection, a love, that may be irreplaceable. All 7 days were days where communication was shared. He says I am supposed to be his wife, he is my husband, and I'm supposed to carry his son. Is counseling the answer? When a man find a good thing, does he really find a wife?

I declare!

I'm getting a late start today but today is the day I make more declarations. I've gotten far away from who I used to be... I enjoy blogging, fashion, education, friends, and love. I have placed other needs prior to mine and I thought it was the right thing to do.

I enjoy blogging, I enjoy writing so I'm getting back to that. Today I'm going out to buy 2 books, register for class, commit to this doctoral program, workout, and spend time with my soror! Oh and get my nails done! So I better get started... because I spent the last 2 hours researching my unhappiness in my life and relationships. Looking for answers and trying to make it work. So I'm declaring to start with the next 30 days on improving other areas in my life.

God hasn't given up on me yet and I won't give up on myself.